where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
