I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize