I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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