I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
