my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
