someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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