would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
