there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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