They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize