I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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