i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
