I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
