I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
