there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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