i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Someone signed my nipple.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
