Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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