I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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