He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize