i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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