Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
