my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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