i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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