he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
