Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
