im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
