Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
