Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
