k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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