we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
