I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
