buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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