So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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