So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
