Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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