dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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