the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
