I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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