Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
