i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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