Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
