Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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