Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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