apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
