so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
