The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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