Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
