Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
