Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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