Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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