Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
