Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
