Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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