dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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