FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
