ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
