Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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