They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
