This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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