I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
