i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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