I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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