even my farts smell like vagina
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
