Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
