just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
