Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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