how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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