your parents love me but you hate me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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