Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
