just tell him i said nine months
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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