bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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