if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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