Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
