so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
