what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
