Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
