I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hippo gnu deer
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
