I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize