he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
