so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
