counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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