here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
