somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize