I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Farmville is her only friend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
