The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
