So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
