Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize