So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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