The best revenge is premature balding
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
