can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
