I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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