I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
