Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
