STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
