I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
