I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
